Latest Pulp Modern Flash Stories

When the President Tweets by Ara Hone

The city’s dairy carts had begun their rounds by the time the President lumbered up City Tavern’s back steps. He entered the upper room warmed by a blazing fire and conversation.

“Gentlemen.” He greeted the statesmen, including James Madison and George Mason. “Well done, James and George. A glass with you.”

“Hear him!” The men pounded the floorboards. Vibrations shimmied up the joists; the swaying lanterns splashed shadows against the beamed ceiling.

“To the Bill of Rights—passed today.” The President dashed back the liquid heat. It mingled with the effervescence lifting him out of his boots. “May America’s freedom reign.”

Metallic dings, whistles, and bells rippled around the room. An invisible hand might have cracked eggs over the joyous occasion; yet, everyone patted their dress coats, including the President. Where had he secreted the little device? His hands scrabbled inside his waistcoat. Ah—he tugged the rectangular thing free and swiped a thumb over the dark screen.


John Tuberman ✓ @JTubs · 8m

They’re at it again. @Twitter is dictating what Nigerian PRESIDENT can say. WOW. #supportfreespeech

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Sally Global @_SGlobal · 6m

You dumb fuck—don’t you read? @Jack took down president’s trash in defense of the voiceless. @Twitter gives everyone opportunity to speak! Imagine being silenced like those ppl are!

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“James,” the President said, “remind me again what a fascist is.”

“Sir.” Bowing, James sallied forth as if preparing to argue a case at the bar. “Fascists are warmongers. In the future, fascists slay babies and the environment.” The patriots nodded as though wisely understanding. “The enemy of the fascist is the socialist. They’re quite ill because they believe money grows on trees.” The men laughed softly.

“It would appear our future needs an old-fashioned talking-to.” The President’s fingers flew. “You engaged last time, James—or did you, George? Regardless, the effort was not fruitful. Failure is an invitation to persevere. Thus, I shall try.”

“Sir, I cannot advise it. The people of the times are…outspoken.” George Mason’s cheeks blazed. “They are stubborn. Crude.”

“Surely reason, persuasion, and kindness will prevail.” He stabbed the screen. “There. I’ve sent the thing.”

His message appeared inside the black rectangle with a chirping ding! Good. He liked immediate results.


President George Washington @#1POTUS · 1m

American interests overstepping the business of other nations is not prudent. #leavethyneighboralone

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Sally Global @_SGlobal · 2m

U dumb fascist! UR just another racist who wouldn’t recognize how 2 help the voiceless if it slapped you in the face. @Twitter & @Jack are beacons for the down-trodden! Non-freedom-loving prick

#fuckfascists #fucku!

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President George Washington  @#1POTUS · 1m

Begging pardon, Madam, it is exceedingly impolite to speak of one’s modest parts. Also, I am qualified to provide insight about entangling this nation in the affairs of others. Using a private entity to trample free speech not only violates good relations between nations but may incite war.

#leavethyneighboralone #mannersmatter

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Tumul Klipsmayer @Tumbs · 3m

Man, you for real? IMO this ain’t about manners; it’s about fucking free speech. Big tech thinks they can do whatever they want. Just say it.

#supportfreespeech #socialismsucks

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President George Washington  @#1POTUS · 1m

Do not other words besides *fuck* exist in the English language?

#languagematters #leavethyneighboralone

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Sally Global @_SGlobal · 2m

BTW @Twitter & @Jack built the world’s greatest platform for free speech! Let war begin!

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President George Washington  @#1POTUS · 1m

Madam, one does not argue the platform’s efficacy; however, its creator decided unilaterally, without debate or jury, to mettle in the affairs of nations, silencing a leader—whether or not the intervention is deserved—meaning he acted AS dictators do, leaving one to wonder if ever he will silence a president of THIS great nation. A dangerous proposition, indeed!

#billofrights #A1 #freespeech

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Tumul Klipsmayer @Tumbs · 3m

Ha ha you’re on something, man. Go sleep it off


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John Tuberman ✓ @JTubs · 3m

Hey, #1POTUS. Had high hopes for you in this debate. Looks like you’ve crashed and burned. All bluster. No brains. See you around, buddy


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Sally Global @_SGlobal · 2m

Some name you’ve got there, George. The real one would agree w/@Twitter & @Jack—cut out the tongue of free speech


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The President pursed his lips, swiped the screen dark, and eyed the framers-in-chief, but his fellows fiddled with their timepieces or fussed at kerchiefs suddenly too-tight. The fire crackled in the grating, and the Tavern’s noises echoed up from below.

The President was no stranger to failure, but this was a battle between what is and what might be.

He strode to the fireplace and snatched up the hatchet.

The President tossed his rectangular object onto the grating’s mouth, a sacrifice, and raised his arm. Spying on the future was unwise. The room’s judgment fell, almost palpable—certainly harsh—but he accepted the burdens of truth-telling, protecting, and leadership, and he hacked the bad news-bringer into tiny bits.

“Whose is next?” His temples throbbed as he handed off the hatchet. To James and George he said, “Gentlemen, with me. Let us retract the Bill of Rights and make certain revisions before the ink dries. Our future depends on us.”

#A1forever #letfreedomreign



Ara Hone writes speculative fiction. Before that, she climbed grain silos to admire sunsets, joined the military when it wasn’t cool, and survived a sales career. She adores a great TV series and editing stories for Flash Fiction Magazine. Her best advice? Drink coffee daily. @ara_hone

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